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Dream + Illusion On Horseback by ~zephyrus7:iconzephyrus7:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Villanelle




Disturbing subtle pictures left behind
the fluid, weaving motion of its hairs
that trickle smoothly through, all intertwined.

What skill will man recall when we remind
his conscience of a work of Moliere’s?
Disturbing subtle pictures left behind

a troubled, yet sophisticated mind?
Or just a streaming mass of worldly cares
that trickles smoothly through, all intertwined.

When time is squandered on the old and blind,
the paint is quickly stripped off all their prayers,
disturbing subtle pictures. Left behind,

the puzzle of a long-tormented mind.
New rivulets of grief pierce through their cares
and trickle smoothly through, all intertwined.

What sanity remains for all mankind?
The art we shall deliver to our heirs:
disturbing subtle pictures left behind,
that trickle smoothly through, all intertwined.
©2006-2010 ~zephyrus7
:iconzephyrus7:

Author's Comments

This is the first villanelle I've ever written. I'm not pretending it's a good poem, lol, I'm just experimenting with the rhyme scheme and finding my way around ways of making it more fluid (as you can probably tell, they've all failed in here, but it was fun to construct).

Will post something more in the next month hopefully :-)

Comments


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:iconwrenwatcher:
~wrenwatcher Apr 8, 2006, 8:33:32 PM
Perhaps I simply have poor taste, but I honestly enjoyed this piece. Yes, there are kinks in its flow, but for an experiment with a style that is new to you, I find this very impressive.

There are moments when your diction leaves me breathless. Lines that would otherwise be overlooked are given a sense of power, through a single, simple word. That, my friend, is an incredible and useful talent, and one that you would be wise to develop further.
:iconharpyemma:
~HarpyEmma Apr 9, 2006, 1:32:36 PM
It's no Mad girl's love song.

Nevertheless, it's good. (and i'm not even an animal lover)

--
//What a thrill/ My thumb instead of an onion/ The top quite gone/ Except for a sort of hinge/ Of skin. Dead white/ Then that red plush//~Sylvia Plath~
:iconfeetpeet:
`feetpeet Apr 10, 2006, 4:11:04 AM
This sounds good, I like it :D
Can't wait for more.

--
*Shutter-Vision and *Ex-po-zure are great places to get your work featured!

Manager of *DailyDeviants
:iconzephyrus7:
~zephyrus7 Apr 10, 2006, 2:41:14 PM
Thank you very much - I'm glad you enjoyed it and it's very encouraging to hear that maybe I shouldn't give up on the style completely after one attempt :)

Cheers for the :+fav: - maybe there'll be more villanelles to come yet!
:iconzephyrus7:
~zephyrus7 Apr 10, 2006, 3:04:08 PM
Thanks :-) Well I hope I can deliver soon!
:iconzephyrus7:
~zephyrus7 Apr 10, 2006, 3:04:28 PM
I hate titles, always making them up at the end of a piece.

But yeah, thanks, soon maybe I'll write a decent one lol.
:iconfeelinhungry:
~feelinhungry Apr 18, 2006, 7:22:34 PM
I can't say I'm a fan of villanelles, but yours is the first that I didn't stop reading halfway through, so take that as a compliment. I think it's the fact that the repetition almost sounds forced to me -- yours didn't, really. Man, those things must be a nightmare to write man, so kudos for that. And of course, as always, beautifully and skillfully executed.

--
If you have 3 cans of soda and you gave it to a hobo, why do they have toes?? None! BEARS DON'T EAT CHICKEN!!!!

My.Photography: ~Photolectric
:iconangelofdeath2006:
~angelofdeath2006 May 9, 2006, 5:23:15 AM
I like the poem, nice job, yeah i know its kinda late, but hey u submitted it on my b-day :D

--
:blackrose::blackrose:death has a funny way of taking the things that mean the most to you and carrying there souls away on wings and roses of black:blackrose:
:iconzephyrus7:
~zephyrus7 May 10, 2006, 10:16:29 AM
Hehe aw well happy birthday for that! Glad you liked it.
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